Depression and Anxiety as a Milspouse

By Anna Ball

Depression and anxiety have the ability to affect anyone. Young, old, male, female, football star, or even a business owner. Unfortunately, we’re all susceptible to life’s struggles. Managing depression and anxiety as a milspouse can be even more challenging.

Depression is mainly categorized by low mood, and/or loss of interest in things, events, or activities that occur most days than not. When experiencing depression, one may feel more agitated or more fatigued. They may feel worthless, helpless, or hopeless. And they may have difficulty with concentration, have changes in appetite, and in the worst case, become suicidal.

Anxiety on the other hand is characterized by excessive worry about any number of events or activities. When experiencing anxiety, one may become restless, fatigued, irritable, or may have problems with concentration or sleeping.

Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand. For example, one day you might have peanut butter on toast or another day you’ll have jam on toast. But most of the time, you’ll probably have a peanut butter and jam sandwich. That’s sort of what it’s like for depression and anxiety. Sometimes you’ll see them by themselves, but more often than not, they’ll be a pair.

Luckily, the treatment for depression and anxiety are similar. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, maintaining a healthy lifestyle are all suitable treatments for depression and anxiety.

It can be hard for us military spouses though. Milspouses have an additional set of problems that set us apart from other spouses. We lack social support, we’re uprooted every some odd years due to PCSing, we lack career stability and we deal with separation and uncertainty. We’re constantly plagued with change that is out of our control.

How do we mitigate the symptoms of depression and anxiety being a milspouse while knowing these things? Here are some tips, tailored for us milspouses.

The most likely scenario is that you don’t live near any family and you haven’t yet created a social network where you currently live. Creating a social network can be hard when you believenewfound it isn’t worth it. You’re just going to move again so what’s the point, right?

But that’s the beauty of it. You might leave your new found friends eventually, but guaranteed there are plenty of memories to be made that you’ll remember forever. So go out there and find people that you vibe with. There are plenty of ways to find some support, it just takes a little courage to get up and get out there.

• Don’t isolate
• Find a spouse group
• Invite your spouse’s co-workers over for dinner
• Volunteer
• Take up a new sport or hobby
• Connect on social media
• Go to the park

If you have children, use them to your advantage. Host play-dates, go to the library events on base, or sign them up for sports or some other type of activity. There may be other milspouses that may be in the same boat as you.

Literally do anything that gets that brain going. Nothing good comes from sitting around all day eating chips, binging RuPaul’s Drag Race and doom scrolling Instagram.

Hobbies can provide relaxation, distraction, social interaction, and emotional expression which all support our mental health. Bringing in hobbies to our everyday life contributes to a balanced and fulfilling life which is essential to our well being. Need some ideas?

• Journaling
• Baking
• Gardening
• Blogging
• Learn something new (like a language, art, or take some free classes online)
• Joint a running, hiking, walking, yoga group
• Photography
• Gaming (video games, board games, Dungeons and Dragons)
• Volunteer (base events, animal shelter, Red Cross, USO)
• Join a book club, dance club, band, choir

There are many obstacles with being a military spouse and many of those obstacles we have no control over. Thinking about things that you can’t control will just bring more worry. Don’t beat yourself up at the things that you aren’t able to control. Instead, find the things that you can control, like:

• The time you wake up and go to bed
• What you eat
• The type of hobby you choose
• How often you call loved ones
• How you set boundaries
• Your communication with others
• Your level of honesty
• How often you move your obdy
• The attention you pay to the positive and negative things in your life.

Now’s the part where you get to give yourself a nice big compassionate hug and let yourself know that you aren’t alone and that it’s ok to struggle. It’s ok to worry about when the next deployment or TDY is going to be. It’s ok to worry about where your life is heading and what your purpose in life is.

uprooted repeatedlyIt’s an unfortunate truth that we sometimes just have to deal with what life throws at us. It’s ok to be sad and angry at missed opportunities, having your life being uprooted time and time again, and being left alone for months at a time while your spouse is doing who knows what. Yes, we might have signed that marriage license, but we’re still allowed to feel negative emotions. So, just remember that you’re doing your best and that your best is good enough.

Disclaimer: The content provided on this mental health blog is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice or treatment. Always consult with a qualified mental health professional for personalized guidance. The blog owner and authors are not responsible for any actions taken based on the information provided on this blog.

If you are in a crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or visit your local Emergency Room for assistance.